Just One of Those Days...

I've been a bit down lately. The stress of work, balancing home life, and taking care of the kids is taking a toll on me. I don't really know how to handle it, so as usual my own needs are being put aside. Adit was traveling for work recently leaving me to manage the kids at night. Claire slept the first night, but didn't the two other nights. She fell asleep early around 7, but woke up at 9 the first night and 8:30 the second. This was so early and left no "me" time. I bet you're thinking I had almost 2 hours of me time, but you would be wrong because during most of that time I was preparing James for bed. I need that time to do baby dishes, tidy up, watch mindless tv, do some work, etc and if I don't have it I feel out of whack.

At first I didn't think that Claire waking up at 8:30 or 9:00 was an issue because I could nurse and put her back to sleep. Boy was I wrong. Both nights I tried that. After nursing she was still awake. So then I changed her diaper and tried rocking her to sleep. That didn't work either. Then I began walking around the room with her. It took 3 hours each night and she still wouldn't sleep. She kept crying, I tried burping, patting her, comforting her by gently rocking and singing. Nothing seemed to work. Eventually I took her to bed with me and we both slept while she nursed. Claire has been sleeping in bed with us every night since I started working. I just can't manage waking up at night so this option works. It's not a comfy way to sleep, but it keeps me sane. 

The reason I've been feeling down is because I'm feeling the pressure of balancing all of this when Adit is away. Luckily he is home now but there was a time when he was gone every week for 3-4 days at a time. It wears on you. It was ok when I was on maternity leave but now it's not ideal. I understand that he needs to travel at times, but it makes my job twice as hard. 

Part of me feels guilty for even writing this because I'm "complaining" about my children. I'm just stretched a little thin right now, but that's ok because it's temporary. I had a terrible week, but the good news is that it's over. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks as well as celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

I needed to vent and I shared my feelings with Adit and now to you all. I think it's important to recognize that we can't do it all and that there are going to be moments of vulnerability. What's important is to keep it in perspective and remember that the baby is growing everyday and things will get better. 

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do things aren't going your way? That's how I've been feeling, but things are getting better. (I write this as Claire woke up every 2 hours last night, lol) 

Happy reading!

Rachel 

PS: Thanks to those of you who gave me encouragement on my last post where I wrote about nursing. My goal is to solely nurse Claire until she's drinking cows' milk, so at least a year. It didn't feel like it would be possible the other day, but now things are looking up again. It's strange how we feel mommy guilt and think that we are failing our children by offering them formula. I think that we need to do what's best for the child, but also ourselves. Formula is sometimes seen as the new F-word in society, but it shouldn't be. As long as the child and you are happy, that's all that matters. 

Nursing - My Love/Hate Relationship!

I remembered my doctor saying that the body remembers so you'll "show" faster, heal faster, make milk faster, but how come I was still cracked and bleeding after Claire's first nursing session? Shouldn't my body have remembered that James nursed for over two years, so why was the pain worse than I had remembered the first time? I'd sit there gripping the chair, back straight, toes curled, eyes shut, and holding my breath. All I kept thinking was when is this going to be over, when will my body adjust. Thankfully it did, but it took some time. During that time I pumped a lot to give myself some time to recover. 

After getting back into the grove, nursing became a pleasure. I loved not having to carry formula around, wash bottles, heat up milk, or having to wait to feed my baby to name a few. I love the way that she looks up at me and smiles while nursing. That content and happy look made me so happy too. I tend to forget that she's woken me up only 30 minutes after putting her down and didn't I mention it's 3am! 

Although us nursing moms have the convenience of having milk ready 24/7, we have no way of measuring how much milk our little one is getting. With a bottle you can say she had 6oz and slept. All that we can say is that she nursed on both sides, or one side. If you can do it, I suggest pumping and having your little one drink from a bottle before bed to ensure that she's full. Claire is a terrible sleeper and it could be because she's not full, or it could be a plethora of other things like she is teething, she has a cold, she has gas, she is lonely, who knows. I would love to give her a bottle at night but I already pump 2-3 times a day and need a break. Plus there is usually no time to pump as I'm busy looking after the kids too. 

A perk I love about nursing is that if you are doing it full time you can delay the start of your menstrual cycle. That is something no one is looking forward to getting again. 

It's also nice knowing that you can instantly comfort your baby when they need it. This comes in handy when you are at the doctor getting vaccinations for your infant. I would nurse immediately after the shots and Claire would instantly feel better. I remember that I used to nurse while James was getting the shots! There was just a big mouth open cry and he'd go back to nursing as usual. 

Since I'm back at work I need consistent sleep and having Claire sleep in bed with me, nursing her all night is the only way I get that. I lay there like a robot, my arm under her head, sleeping on my side with my body shifted so she can reach me to nurse. It's not a comfortable sleep, but it beats getting up, nursing, rocking her and going back to bed. I tried that a few times but couldn't function well the next day. Yes my arm would go numb most days, but I've gotten used to it. 

What I'm describing is a sacrifice and this is a huge one. I'm debating introducing some formula to supplement her milk, but all I keep thinking is "breast is best". What about the toll it's taking in me? I've been ignoring it, but I'm getting tired of pumping. If I was home for a year like I was with James I think it would have been easier to solely nurse, but now that I'm working I'm not so confident that I can keep this up for at least another 7months. I feel like my supply is down and I'm trying my best to give her my milk, but why do I feel so guilty when thinking about supplementing? If breast truly is best, then why is it so difficult to do/maintain? 

Has anyone else felt like this? Can you offer any advice? I am eager to listen! 

Happy reading! 

Rachel

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone was ready for this big day! I used to love Halloween as a child and fondly remember trick-or-treating with my friends and brother each year. My favorite costume was when I dressed as a flapper girl from the 1920's. Too bad I don't have any pics. Anyway I am happy to continue the tradition with my two kids.

This year Adit and I didn't dress up because we normally don't. James was a little fussy about wearing his costume and when he asked me where my costume was I didn't have a good answer. I always assumed that kids liked getting dressed up and that as parents it didn't matter if we did or not. However the more I thought about it, I realized that it is important to partake too. I know it'll make James happy so that's a good enough reason for me. We have traditions for most holidays and special events, so why not make dressing up a family a tradition too! 

Now here are the kids all dressed up! Don't judge me that Claire has 3 costumes, I couldn't resist.:) Which one do you like the best?

How did you celebrate Halloween? What did you or your little ones dress up as for Halloween? Please share with us by posting a pic!

Happy reading! 

Rachel

PS: Don't forget to enter to win the nursing pillow! Click here for details.

Yay! A Giveaway! - Winner Announced!

Hi everyone,

I am very excited to share this giveaway with you all. The giveaway is one of the products I wrote about on my last blog post titled "3 Products I Can't Live Without". Can you guess what it is? Well I won't keep you in suspense because it is the My Breast Friend Nursing Pillow! They read my post and were so pleased that I was so happy with their product that they decided to give one away to a lucky reader. How generous is that! :)

Please note that My Brest Friend can only ship to an address in the contiguous US, so sorry my Canadian friends.

Here's what you need to do to enter:

1) "Like" SillyBaba, SillyMama on Facebook. 

2) "Like" My Brest Friend on Facebook.

Then just drop a line to let me know that you've entered.

Bonus Entries:
1) Earn 1 additional entry by Sharing this giveaway on Facebook.
2) Earn 2 additional entries by becoming a "Follower" on my blog.

So you could have 4 chances of winning!

Best of luck to all who enter, I will be selecting the winner using a random number generator.
Drawing will be done after 6pm on Friday, Nov 7th.

I will post who he luck winner is!

Happy ready and entering!

Rachel

Winner Update:

Thanks to everyone who entered and to My Brest Friend for the pillow. To make it fair I wrote down all the entrants and used a random number generator to pick the winner. The winner is Shanna! I will contact you on how to get your prize. :)