Nursing - My Love/Hate Relationship!

I remembered my doctor saying that the body remembers so you'll "show" faster, heal faster, make milk faster, but how come I was still cracked and bleeding after Claire's first nursing session? Shouldn't my body have remembered that James nursed for over two years, so why was the pain worse than I had remembered the first time? I'd sit there gripping the chair, back straight, toes curled, eyes shut, and holding my breath. All I kept thinking was when is this going to be over, when will my body adjust. Thankfully it did, but it took some time. During that time I pumped a lot to give myself some time to recover. 

After getting back into the grove, nursing became a pleasure. I loved not having to carry formula around, wash bottles, heat up milk, or having to wait to feed my baby to name a few. I love the way that she looks up at me and smiles while nursing. That content and happy look made me so happy too. I tend to forget that she's woken me up only 30 minutes after putting her down and didn't I mention it's 3am! 

Although us nursing moms have the convenience of having milk ready 24/7, we have no way of measuring how much milk our little one is getting. With a bottle you can say she had 6oz and slept. All that we can say is that she nursed on both sides, or one side. If you can do it, I suggest pumping and having your little one drink from a bottle before bed to ensure that she's full. Claire is a terrible sleeper and it could be because she's not full, or it could be a plethora of other things like she is teething, she has a cold, she has gas, she is lonely, who knows. I would love to give her a bottle at night but I already pump 2-3 times a day and need a break. Plus there is usually no time to pump as I'm busy looking after the kids too. 

A perk I love about nursing is that if you are doing it full time you can delay the start of your menstrual cycle. That is something no one is looking forward to getting again. 

It's also nice knowing that you can instantly comfort your baby when they need it. This comes in handy when you are at the doctor getting vaccinations for your infant. I would nurse immediately after the shots and Claire would instantly feel better. I remember that I used to nurse while James was getting the shots! There was just a big mouth open cry and he'd go back to nursing as usual. 

Since I'm back at work I need consistent sleep and having Claire sleep in bed with me, nursing her all night is the only way I get that. I lay there like a robot, my arm under her head, sleeping on my side with my body shifted so she can reach me to nurse. It's not a comfortable sleep, but it beats getting up, nursing, rocking her and going back to bed. I tried that a few times but couldn't function well the next day. Yes my arm would go numb most days, but I've gotten used to it. 

What I'm describing is a sacrifice and this is a huge one. I'm debating introducing some formula to supplement her milk, but all I keep thinking is "breast is best". What about the toll it's taking in me? I've been ignoring it, but I'm getting tired of pumping. If I was home for a year like I was with James I think it would have been easier to solely nurse, but now that I'm working I'm not so confident that I can keep this up for at least another 7months. I feel like my supply is down and I'm trying my best to give her my milk, but why do I feel so guilty when thinking about supplementing? If breast truly is best, then why is it so difficult to do/maintain? 

Has anyone else felt like this? Can you offer any advice? I am eager to listen! 

Happy reading! 

Rachel